I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's like iHOP with fire
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
