is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
