Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
