just tell him i said nine months
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
