She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
