I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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