Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize