bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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