if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
