my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
