this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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