We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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