he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
