Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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