I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
