Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize