I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
