it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
