DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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