Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he shaved USA in his pubs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
