the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
