I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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