considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
