In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
