Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
