In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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