Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize