she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
