You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
