so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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