she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
