I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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