the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
