You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
