I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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