I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
