I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
