There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
