Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
