Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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