but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
organizing the empties. That sober.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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