yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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