so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
