i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
