You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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