Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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