I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
