He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
