and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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