Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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