he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
