The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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