Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
