by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
