Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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