dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
