distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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