a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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