i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She told me I should be a condom model.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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