I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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