i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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