your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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