Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize