Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
