i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
