I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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