So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
