She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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