everyone is single if you try hard enough
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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