im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
