she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
